A lot of column inches within D/s and BDSM websites are given over to the subject of “subspace” (or “sub-space” or even simply sub space”).
Subspace is generally regarded as a moderate to deep , almost trace-like, condition experienced by a submissive during intense or erotic interaction with their Dominant. It exposes the sub to a range of emotions, responses and feelings that can in turn trigger a heightened response to the Dominant’s manipulations, and equally leave the submissive emotionally and psychologically vulnerable and at risk and which requires careful and objective monitoring by the Dominant throughout the scene to make sure the submissive does place themselves in danger, and through considered after care that eases the submissive back to a rational state of mind.
Clinically, sub space can be defined as a sympathetic nervous system response to the intense pain / pleasure experienced during a scene, which causes a release of epinephrine, endorphins and enkephalins, which have a morphine-like effect on the metabolism, which increases the pain tolerance of the submissive while enducing the trance-like condition referred to above. This is often expressed by submissives as an almost out-of-body experience in which they feel as if they are detached from reality, observing what is happening to them, rather than participating. Many submissives reaching the deeper levels of subspace can lose all sensation of pain, as any stimulus causes this trance-like detachment to be prolonged. Hence the need for both care and attention on the part of the Dominant should a submissive enter this state, as it is only the Dominant who can keep the submissive from experiencing harm.
As the submissive “returns” from this state – as the scene concludes, for example - the parasympathetic nervous system responds, and the submissive can experience exhaustion, incoherence and feelings of emotional emptiness, all of which need to be dealt with through care, emotional support and – at it most basic – simple human contact through cuddles and caresses. In some cases coming out of sub space can trigger feelings of shame, self loathing or disgust within the submissive, and these to need to be identified by the Dominant and dealt with in sincere care to avoid the submissive Dropping.
Subspace is most usually associated with rl D/s and BDSM – where physical, visual, mental, aural and even olfactory stimuli combine most effectively to trigger the glandular releases that carry the submissive into subspace. However, Second Life, thanks to its rich visual medium, can also lead to a submissive enter subspace – particularly when the submissive’s frame of mind is properly stimulated by the Dominant. As such, an awareness of the subspace condition is something every responsible Dominant in SL should carry with them.
One thing that should be understood is that subspace exists on many levels; precisely how many and what they are called tends to vary according to the expert addressing the issue. If we were to look at things rationally, one might define the initial levels of subspace in the following ways:
- Top (or normal) space: This is the space that, I think it fair to say, gets most overlooked in Second Life. Put simply, top space is the “mundane” or everyday living mode for the submissive: getting up, going about the requirements of daily life, seeing to family needs, gawking at the television, and so on. I refer to it as the most “overlooked” in Second Life, simply because the decision-making processes involved in setting the needs of the day off to one side, powering-up a computer, starting and logging-in to Second Life tends to naturally move the SL submissive somewhat out of top space and more naturally into the next level down. Even so, top space still has an ability to impact our SL submissive lives, as simply turning on the computer cannot make it totally go away – not when there is a partner in the next room who might demand attention, or a pet running around that needs seeing to, or an unexpected telephone call that can shatter a mood, whether or not we opt to let the answerphone take it for us.
- Marginally down space: in rl, this tends to be when the Dominant in a relationship directs attention on the submissive. This tends to be through the use of a recognised trigger – a glance, a touch, a sound – or a combination of such factors. The result is to drop the submissive out of top space and into a condition of listening and anticipation. In some relationships, the change in the submissive is very physical, if subtle: they stop talking or moving; their attention becomes focused on the Dominant, waiting to see if further signals are forthcoming. If they are, the submissive generally slips further into subspace; if nothing further is forthcoming, or if the Dominant deliberately eases back from directing attention on the submissive, the submissive generally returns to top space. This “marginally down” space is frequently the condition many submissives are in when they log in to Second Life: they are focused on their Dominant, attuned to the verbal / written cues (chat or emote) that the Dominant may give that can carry the submissive deeper into subspace.
Beyond this, things get more complicated. How far “down” a submissive goes into subspace is dependent upon a variety of factors – not the least of which is the skill of the Dominant in understanding the submissive’s needs, and in manipulating and feeding the submissive’s desires, fantasies, wants, and even the submissive’s fears; how well the submissive trusts and relates to the Dominant. Environment, setting and external stimuli such as sounds, music, scents, etc., also can play a significant part in carrying a submissive deeper into subspace.Many submissives aren’t actually aware that they are “in” subspace but rather only realise what has happened after the fact.
What does tend to happen as the submissive slips more deeply into subspace is that their IQ tends to diminish progressively; they feel their mental processes slowing down, the ability to process and understand what is happening to them become blurred; rational thought becomes elusive, and so on. Ask a submissive how they are feeling when in this state, and their reply is liable to be “I dunno” or similar. And the truth is that they don’t: at its deepest, this state leaves the submissive utterly dependent upon the Dominant to ensure no harm is done to them. Because of this diminishing effect, many refer to this as the “blonde space”.
Another element that can denote the submissive is slipping into “blonde space” is the use of language itself – their words become more and more crude, they find greater delight and arousal in being talked to and about in crude terms. Vulgarities trigger reactions as much as touches.
A submissive slipping into the deepest levels of subspace many reach the level of the purely primal. In this condition, the submissive can become feral; words become grunts and snarls, they can show hypersensitivity to sound and light and movement. If not bound, the submissive in this state can become dangerous and will not stop short of scratching and biting – or worse.
There is one other aspect of subspace worth mentioning – although many in rl squirm when it is discussed, and many submissives will outright deny that it exists. This is “sammy space”, or what FRR Mallory calls “sprite space”; and I have to admit, it is actually a level of subspace I enjoy encountering in the right circumstances – and within an environment such as SL, it can be very beneficial for the Dominant.
In sammy space, which tends to exist somewhere between “marginally down” and “blonde space”, the submissive seems to become willful: clips may become undone, or the submissive will move from an assigned pose or will flirt or use cheeky retorts. Sometimes this reaction is borne of a need to test the Dominant to assess whether the Dominant is really paying attention; this is the negative aspect of sammy space, because if the Dominant is found wanting, it is taken as a sign that they do not “love” the submissive.
However, the kind of wilfulness that results from sammy space can be beneficial if the submissive is prepared to channel it properly. It can be used not to test the Dominant, but as a means of engaging in further play: by showing token resistance through playful interchange, the submissive is demonstrating both their trust in the Dominant (to not react utterly negatively to the play) and their willingness to be taken further into subspace. In turn, this kind of play can trigger the Dominant’s further progression into the oh-so-rarely talked about realm of Dominant space.
Throughout the subspace experience, the submissive needs constant attention – not just to heighten the submissive’s experience and responses while you are in scene, but also to ensure that the submissive is not / has not reached a point where they can no longer differentiate between safe and dangerous play or use a safeword to show distress. Thus, the Dominant has the responsibility to watch the submissive through the scene play and adapt and adjust their own actions accordingly.
How far a submissive can descend into subspace within an environment such at Second Life is open to debate; my personal view is that the medium itself means that the majority of submissives tend to operate in the “marginally down” through to “blonde space”. I would venture to suggest that the deeper levels of subspace leading to the primal tend to require control, environment and stimuli that are beyond the means of Second Life to enable – but this is only my opinion.
Certainly, as a Dominant in SL, I can openly admit that I’m not aware of taking a submissive much beyond the “blonde level” of subspace; this may be through a lack of technique on my part – and I have to admit that until Second Life becomes truly immersive and allows us to replicate touch, scents, sounds, etc., as they can be used in rl, I doubt I’ll be anywhere near as effective as a Dominant as (I hope) I am in rl.
That said, just because the deeper levels of subspace may not be reachable within the artificial confines of SL does not mean that a few basic precepts common to dealing with submissives in rl cannot be applied equally to SL. Indeed, I would go so far as to say they have equal meaning is SL as they do in rl:
- Never leave a submissive alone in subspace without warning or for extended periods, and never abruptly end a scene in which you know the submissive is in subspace – however marginal – without taking time to help them recover to top space. This doesn’t have to be complicated: showing care through words, emotes and even the use of simple cuddle props, can help the submissive recover and give them visual cues to your care and love for them
- Never impose responsibility on the submissive for any aspect of the play or for their descent into subspace. If you want interaction, keep the play to marginal space or sammy space. Go too deep into blonde space and the play can become too one-side as the submissive has moved to a state of mind where the ability to clearly communicate is lost.
- Always leave time for recovery after a scene, even if you believe the submissive has barely dipped into subspace. The experience for the submissive doesn’t have to be earth-shattering, mind blowing or any other hyperbole in order for it to have an impact – and nothing builds trust and commitment more than a sincere demonstration of love and support when helping a submissive return to top space.
There is another side of this concept of space as well – one that, frankly, barely merits mention when compared to all that is written about subspace – which is a shame, as it is equally important to the yin/yang of balanced D/s relationships.
I’m of course referring to Dominant Space.
Dominant space in some ways mirrors subspace, although its practical outworkings are somewhat different. Rather than entering a trance-like state, a Dominant in Dominant space tends to experience heightened awareness; they’ll experience a steady upswing of energy and desire as they sink deeper into Dominant space, and become more attuned to the submissive under their control.
Like subspace, Dominant space exists on a number of levels.
At the top, as one might expect, is top – or normal – space. The Dominant in this space will function perfectly normally, dealing with the slings and arrows of mundane life. It is entirely equitable with the kind of top space experienced by submissives.
Beneath this is what I refer to as “alert space”. The Dominant moves into this space when something happens to shift them away from everyday needs to focus on their submissive. This shift may be triggered by something within the Dominant – a change of clothes, looking at a picture, etc; or it may be an external stimuli – a scent, a sound, a comment; it may even come from the submissive in the form of a touch, an expression, a look – something that alerts the Dominant to the submissive’s desire to feel their control. Whatever the trigger, the Dominant will maintain an awareness of everything else around them, but their focus will clearly be on their submissive. If nothing further occurs, the Dominant will generally return to top space. Thus, this “alert space” can be equated with a submissive’s “marginally down” space.
If the stimuli that triggered the Dominant into alert space continues, then the Dominant will move beyond “alert” to a space where their Dominant nature comes more to the fore. Such stimuli can be as simple as the submissive’s move from top space to marginally down space (itself perhaps the result of the Dominant’s focused attention, thus giving rise to an entirely natural feedback between the two), or could be the continued influence of outside factors. As the Dominant moves into this space, they feel an upswing in energy; perceptions alter, adrenaline flow will increase and they’ll feel a heightened desire and sensitivity that can trigger a scene.
Once a scene has been initiated, the Dominant may experience a sensation of alert mental detachment; a separation of their emotional responses to everything around them. Some may experience a sense of energy flow from the submissive to themselves; some Dominants have even stated that as they move deeper into this space, they have a distinct feeling of being “inside” their submissive: they experience the scene from the submissive’s perspective and may even “hear” the mind of the submissive.
There is a strong feedback loop established as the Dominant moves into, and through this space, which occupies the span between the submissives “sammy space” and “blonde space”. Indeed, in secure relationships, the playful use of sammy space on the part of the submissive can – where appropriate – encourage the Dominant to move into this space. It can help start and/or progress the scene beyond its initial opening, and trigger heightened responses and excitement in the Dominant.
As the Dominant moves deeper into this space, so to their excitement accelerates, and their responses become more sharply focused on the submissive and the scene itself. The emotional detachment experienced as the scene is initiated beyond the playful enables the Dominant to both take actions with their submissive in ways they might find difficult when in top space, but which also enables the Dominant to remain aware of the submissive’s own state of mind and attuned to keeping the play on the safe side of any red line.
With the feedback loop healthily established, the further “down” the submissive goes in scene, the higher up the Dominant tends to go; the submissive’s responses to the Dominant’s actions trigger and re-trigger the Dominant. It can be a euphoric cycle for both, with energy flowing back and forth as the scene progresses. However, there is one important difference: part of the intensity the Dominant experiences is due to the need to maintain tight mental and physical control on the scene to ensure the submissive does not suffer harm. This control itself can build to a peak of release within the Dominant that is as intense and satisfying as the release experienced by the submissive.
As with a submissive coming out of subspace, so to does the Dominant returning from Dominant space require support and care. While the Dominant has not been as mentally exposed as the submissive, they have nevertheless carried a significant mental load and exhibited considerable mental (and physical in the case of rl) control. In doing so, they have removed themselves from reality, and thus need to be eased back into it as much as the submissive. Cuddle, care, attention and love in the form of sincere aftercare can be as vital for the Dominant as it can for the submissive.
There is one final space that some Dominants may reach – that of primal space. As with submissives, breaching this level may be rare, but it can be equally devastating. A Dominant reaching this space can become dangerous – especially if they are new to D/s. Their system can become flooded with chemicals that push them beyond the controlled detachment that is vital to a safe scene, and become completely detached from the welfare of the submissive in their care. Some Dominants reaching this point may discover levels of personal cruelty within them that are otherwise abhorrent to them. Any Dominant experiencing such total detachment within themselves and from their submissive should take steps to exit the scene as quickly as possible and bring both themselves and the submissive back to top space before permanent damage is done to the relationship.
Space – be it sub or Dominant – exists in many forms both in rl and SL. While we may not experience all of them in our SL lives, we should all be aware of how they tend to manifest themselves, and we should all understand the need to deal with them responsibly.